Thread
My Honest Reality
March 19, 2023
Welcome to the 2023 baseball season.
Opening Day is around the corner. Pitchers are almost ready. Position players are locked in. Fans share the optimism a new season brings.
But this isn't just another season.
This is likely my last.
March 19, 2023
Welcome to the 2023 baseball season.
Opening Day is around the corner. Pitchers are almost ready. Position players are locked in. Fans share the optimism a new season brings.
But this isn't just another season.
This is likely my last.
Don't get me wrong, I want to play as long as I can. But when you look at the facts, it's my honest reality.
Let me explain...
When I was drafted in 2013, I was a "can't miss" prospect. Year after year, I was named a top prospect, but never performed.
Let me explain...
When I was drafted in 2013, I was a "can't miss" prospect. Year after year, I was named a top prospect, but never performed.
I got to extend my career longer than I deserved.
Then, I left the game after 2017. And after 3+ years, I came back in 2021.
The days of endless opportunity are long gone.
I face a new reality: Every season from now on will likely be my last.
Not dramatic. Candid.
Then, I left the game after 2017. And after 3+ years, I came back in 2021.
The days of endless opportunity are long gone.
I face a new reality: Every season from now on will likely be my last.
Not dramatic. Candid.
Baseball is a hard game. Always has been.
Standards have been raised. No longer can a player float through the minor leagues without showing an ounce of promise.
Leashes are shorter. You are either moving up or moving out.
Standards have been raised. No longer can a player float through the minor leagues without showing an ounce of promise.
Leashes are shorter. You are either moving up or moving out.
Plus, I am a 31-year-old rookie relief pitcher with 6 MLB appearances to my name.
I'm not on the 40-man roster.
I'm a career 5+ minor league ERA pitcher with a history of injuries.
All logic suggests the odds are not in my favor.
Let's just say I'm right where I want to be.
I'm not on the 40-man roster.
I'm a career 5+ minor league ERA pitcher with a history of injuries.
All logic suggests the odds are not in my favor.
Let's just say I'm right where I want to be.
The reality is I am one of a large number of players that find themselves in this "in-between" space.
Good enough to help a big league team (in a small role) if given the opportunity, but too old or lacking experience for teams to be patient.
The future is wildly uncertain.
Good enough to help a big league team (in a small role) if given the opportunity, but too old or lacking experience for teams to be patient.
The future is wildly uncertain.
So, we all have two options: Perform or find a new job.
And this reality can't be ignored or avoided. Every day, when I show up to the ballpark, I'm reminded of it.
But I know a day is coming when that jersey is no longer waiting for me. When my days in the clubhouse are over.
And this reality can't be ignored or avoided. Every day, when I show up to the ballpark, I'm reminded of it.
But I know a day is coming when that jersey is no longer waiting for me. When my days in the clubhouse are over.
So how do I deal with this?
From my perspective, there are only two responses: anxiety or gratitude.
Anxiety is the natural reaction.
When the future is uncertain, I want to take control, grip tighter, be the master of my destiny.
From my perspective, there are only two responses: anxiety or gratitude.
Anxiety is the natural reaction.
When the future is uncertain, I want to take control, grip tighter, be the master of my destiny.
My counselor describes anxiety as having "a focus on the future, but a vision for today."
When anxious, I focus on the fact my career is short and my health is fragile. I focus on the future I want but can't seem to create.
In short, I focus on everything I shouldn't.
When anxious, I focus on the fact my career is short and my health is fragile. I focus on the future I want but can't seem to create.
In short, I focus on everything I shouldn't.
When my focus is on the uncertain future, my clarity for today's work is lost. I go through the motions.
And when I put my head on my pillow every night, I am disappointed I'm not the player I want to be.
It is a cycle that promotes fear and shame. And it requires perfection.
And when I put my head on my pillow every night, I am disappointed I'm not the player I want to be.
It is a cycle that promotes fear and shame. And it requires perfection.
Gratitude on the other hand is wholly opposite of anxiety.
It is having "a vision for the future, but a focus on today."
It is an unnatural reminder to slow down and enjoy what I have.
It is having "a vision for the future, but a focus on today."
It is an unnatural reminder to slow down and enjoy what I have.
While my career is short, I am thankful I still get to play.
While my health is fragile, I am thankful I can still compete.
Gratitude is a cycle that promotes joy. No longer are the simple and mundane things of life taken for granted.
I get to enjoy every day.
While my health is fragile, I am thankful I can still compete.
Gratitude is a cycle that promotes joy. No longer are the simple and mundane things of life taken for granted.
I get to enjoy every day.
Playing catch on the grass. Making jokes in the clubhouse. Competing whenever I get the ball. Winning. Losing. All of it.
Gratitude lets me focus on the little things I get to do every day, despite not knowing what the future holds.
Gratitude lets me focus on the little things I get to do every day, despite not knowing what the future holds.
So here I am, embarking on a new season.
A season that will likely be my last. A season that is uncertain.
But, I can choose how to respond to this uncertainty:
- Will I let anxiety run its course, leading me to fear and shame?
- Or will I choose gratitude and experience joy?
A season that will likely be my last. A season that is uncertain.
But, I can choose how to respond to this uncertainty:
- Will I let anxiety run its course, leading me to fear and shame?
- Or will I choose gratitude and experience joy?
The answer is obvious, but does not come naturally.
And it isn't a one-time decision. I need to choose gratitude every single day.
So I pray God will help me be thankful, reminding me of all the beautiful gifts I have today.
Because today is all I have.
Welcome to 2023.
And it isn't a one-time decision. I need to choose gratitude every single day.
So I pray God will help me be thankful, reminding me of all the beautiful gifts I have today.
Because today is all I have.
Welcome to 2023.
If you enjoyed this thread, I have some good news...
This is just a preview of tomorrow's post (my first post). I expand on the details and think it's a good read.
I am calling this blog "The Journal" and you can subscribe to it here:
markappel.com
This is just a preview of tomorrow's post (my first post). I expand on the details and think it's a good read.
I am calling this blog "The Journal" and you can subscribe to it here:
markappel.com
My name is Mark Appel. I play baseball and have a passion for storytelling.
I plan to only share things I'm proud of and believe are worth reading.
If you think this content is valuable and others would enjoy it, please retweet the first tweet and give me a follow @markappel26.
I plan to only share things I'm proud of and believe are worth reading.
If you think this content is valuable and others would enjoy it, please retweet the first tweet and give me a follow @markappel26.
Since some are asking in the comments, I love this game and hope to play as long as I can!
2022 was no different, by the way. Thought it might be my last. But here I am, back with the Phils in 2023.
Life is often a mystery and all we can do is enjoy today with our whole being.
2022 was no different, by the way. Thought it might be my last. But here I am, back with the Phils in 2023.
Life is often a mystery and all we can do is enjoy today with our whole being.
First blog post hits inboxes later this morning!
Be sure to subscribe here below. (You’ll need to confirm your subscription via email to be on the list).
markappel.com
Be sure to subscribe here below. (You’ll need to confirm your subscription via email to be on the list).
markappel.com
Just sent to 544 subscribers. Pretty wild to have that many new subscribers in less than 24 hours! Thanks to everyone who is following "The Journal."
If you want to read the full version (and subscribe to future posts), you can find it here:
markappel.com
If you want to read the full version (and subscribe to future posts), you can find it here:
markappel.com
Just passed 1,000 subscribers 🤯 Thank you so much everyone.
Excited to share more content like this in 2023 and beyond
Excited to share more content like this in 2023 and beyond
And now, the rubber meets the road…
The timing of this thread and my release from the Phillies yesterday are purely coincidental. I did not see it coming, but I understand it.
And I’m still beyond grateful for every day I had.
Thank you again, Philly…
The timing of this thread and my release from the Phillies yesterday are purely coincidental. I did not see it coming, but I understand it.
And I’m still beyond grateful for every day I had.
Thank you again, Philly…
P.S. I’ve been spending all morning in prayer and gratitude…
I don’t know what’s next, but I have some thoughts I’m going to share tomorrow in “The Journal” (sign up below)
It’ll probably be my most heartfelt and human piece.
markappel.com
I don’t know what’s next, but I have some thoughts I’m going to share tomorrow in “The Journal” (sign up below)
It’ll probably be my most heartfelt and human piece.
markappel.com
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Blake Burge @blakeaburge
·
Mar 18, 2023
Wonderful thread, Mark! Rooting for you!