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David M. Buss
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When Men Behave Badly: The Hidden Roots of Sexual Deception, Harassment, and Assault Kindle Edition

by David Buss (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 297 ratings
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A leading evolutionary psychologist and sex researcher provides a unified new theory of sexual conflict and shows how its battles play out in the bar room, the bedroom, and the boardroom.

Sexual conflict permeates ancient religions, from injunctions about thy neighbor's wife to the permissible rape of infidels. It is etched in written laws that dictate who can and cannot have sex with whom. Its manifestations shape our sexual morality, evoking approving accolades or contemptuous condemnation. It produces sexual double standards that flourish even in the most sexually egalitarian cultures on earth. And although every person alive struggles with sexual conflict, most of us see only the tip of the iceberg: dating deception, a politician's unsavory sexual grab, the slow crumbling of a once-happy marriage, a romantic breakup that turns nasty.

When Men Behave Badly shows that this "battle of the sexes" is deeper and far more pervasive than anyone has recognized, revealing the hidden roots of sexual conflict—roots that originated over deep evolutionary time—which define the sexual psychology we currently carry around in our 3.5-pound brains. Providing novel insights into our minds and behaviors, When Men Behave Badly presents a unifying new theory of sexual conflict, and offers practical advice for men and women seeking to avoid it.
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  1. Print length
    337 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Little, Brown Spark
  4. Publication date
    April 27, 2021
  5. File size
    769 KB
  6. Page Flip
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  7. Word Wise
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  8. Enhanced typesetting
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"If you want to understand our minds, you must understand the evolutionary past that forged them. And if you want to understand our sexuality, all the more so. There is no better guide for this than David Buss, one of the country’s leading evolutionary psychologists. This theoretically grounded book has countless vivid examples and offers a wide-ranging account of the origins of human sexual behavior and its modern manifestations, helping to make sense of so many troubling behaviors. Insightful and provocative."―Nicholas A. Christakis, author of Apollo's Arrow

“Buss has untangled the primordial (and eternal) human mating dance with deft, clarity, precision and charm. Want to know your “Mate Value?” And why he did something violent to his beloved, perhaps you?  Buss gives us the underlying causes of the battle between the sexes—and how to overcome sexual conflict.  It’s steeped in science—and an exceptional book.”―Helen Fisher, author of Anatomy of Love

“In When Men Behave Badly, once again David Buss delivers on his ability to take the most complicated and disturbing of topics and make sense of it. In characteristic fashion, he supports his analyses of the mysteries of sexual conflict with solid research presented in an intriguing and entertaining way. While demonstrating that bad sexual behaviors have evolved as part of our fundamental psychology of sex differences, Buss underscores that such behaviors are not inevitable. Understanding them and why they evolved is a necessary and critical step in preventing their perpetuation. This bold and honest look at sexual conflict lays the foundation for better behavior. A must read.”
 ―Cindy M. Meston, Professor of Clinical Psychology, University of Texas at Austin, and coauthor of Why Women Have Sex

 “When Men Behave Badly brilliantly shines a scientific light on our most intimate, and often uncomfortable, entanglements. I highly recommend it.”
 ―Dr. Wendy Walsh, America’s Relationship Expert and author of The 30-Day Love Detox

“Highly informative and engaging, When Men Behave Badly is an insightful, sensitive, and honest examination of the sources of sexual conflict and ways we might be able to reduce its harms. David Buss does this by elucidating the sex differences in our evolved sexual strategies, the result of sex differences in optimal mating strategies. He delves into the dark side of male mating behavior but also offers approaches that call attention to the ‘sex gap’ and how a better understanding of it can help craft policies to reduce or prevent harms that women disproportionally bear. An essential read.”
 ―Catherine Salmon, PhD, coauthor of Warrior Lovers

"When Men Behave Badly applies the hard lens of science to the most contentious and painful issues of our time – stalking, malicious seduction, sexual harassment, and sexual assault. The result is an eye-opening perspective on the deep history of men harming women. David Buss explains which types of men are most likely to be perpetrators, and why women can be so devastated by the results. He never explains away this behavior, but instead explains it with the hope that a deeper understanding can help solve these problems and free future generations of women from the ever-present fear that we’ve been forced to accept as part of life."―Faye Flam, host of the podcast Follow the Science

“Buss tackles numerous difficult, sensitive, and controversial topics in this book, but throughout he uses a balanced, evidence-driven approach. He relies on clear arguments that build a solid impression of how the sexes have evolved distinct strategies, and how those strategies typically lead to misunderstanding and conflict. The evidence he provides is convincing, and he draws on a commendable range of studies for support. Given the breadth of topics and how they come together repeatedly to highlight patterns of sex-specific behavior, this book will serve as an important springboard for understanding more completely men’s (and women’s) behavior for years to come. In my opinion, it will be of interest to a diverse readership—everyone from a person who wonders why men and women behave so differently in online dating, all the way to academics who want to learn the nuances of sexual conflict theory. Definitely a provocative and interesting read!”
 ―Dr. Maryanne Fisher, editor of The Oxford Handbook of Women and Competition

“The public concern with sexual aggression is a great moral advance, but our intellectual culture has floundered in trying to understand it because it clings to myths and dogmas that defy science, common sense, and lived experience. David Buss, one of the world’s experts in sexual conflict in human mating, brings these back together in a fascinating and timely book which helps us to understand these evils and better equip us to minimize them.”

―Steven Pinker, author of Enlightenment Now

“In this powerful, provocative, and thought-provoking book, David Buss takes us through the fundamental reasons for conflicts between men and women. Drawing from the roots of evolutionary biology and psychology, he sets out in scholarly detail the potential for sexual conflicts within and outside relationships. He also shows how, while evolved differences between men and women can be recognized, they should not be equated with inevitability of action or behavior. The book provides an important and in many places deeply troubling journey into ourselves.”―Tracey Chapman, Professor of Evolutionary Genetics, University of East Anglia

“This fascinating book is like the long lost operating manual for men's and women's minds, written tens of thousands of years ago and only just now reconstructed. Buss explains so many of the games people play as they strive to attract, keep, and manipulate mates. Trying to understand and reduce sexual harassment, sexual violence, and ordinary marital misery without Buss's evolutionary lens would be like trying to understand and fight epidemics without germ theory.”―Jonathan Haidt, author of The Righteous Mind and coauthor of The Coddling of the American Mind

“When Men Behave Badly brilliantly analyzes what has been called the most widespread human rights problem in the world. Authoritative, insightful, and sympathetic, Buss’s book is a perfect resource for the #MeToo generation.”―Richard Wrangham, author of The Goodness Paradox

“Fearless and honest, David Buss has spent 30 years studying uncomfortable topics: mating, sex, and violence. They come together in When Men Behave Badly, Buss’ unflinching look at sexual conflict and what we can do about it. This accessible book explains why conflict between men and women is inevitable, but sexual coercion and violence are not. Eliminating violence against women is Buss’ goal, and this book considers paths toward achieving it.”―Leda Cosmides, co-director of the Center for Evolutionary Psychology, University of California, Santa Barbara

"As any primate would attest to, few topics interest us more than the nature of relationships between the sexes, and David Buss has long been a leader in turning that interest into rigorous science based on empirical findings and anchored in evolutionary thinking. When Men Behave Badly is a major contribution to the field."―Robert M. Sapolsky, author of Behave

"An enthralling exploration into sexual conflicts, mating psychology, sex differences, and more."―Rob Henderson, Quillette

“Buss’s book is not only explanatorily powerful and pragmatically useful, but unfortunately very necessary.”―Areo Magazine

About the Author

David Buss is professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and a past president of the Human Behavior and Evolution Society. He is the author of several books including The Evolution of Desire, The Dangerous Passion, The Murderer Next Door, and Why Women Have Sex (co-authored with Dr. Cindy Meston). He has written for publications such as the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, and Psychology Today, and he has made more than thirty television appearances on shows including CBS This Morning, ABC's 20/20, and NBC's Dateline and Today, among others. Buss has received numerous awards, which include the Distinguished Scientific Award for Early Career Contribution to Psychology by the American Psychological Association (APA), a Fellowship at the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences at Stanford, and the G. Stanley Hall Award from the APA. Most recently, he received the Association for Psychological Science (APS) Mentor Award for Lifetime Achievement (2017).

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B08F77S2NN
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Little, Brown Spark (April 27, 2021)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ April 27, 2021
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 769 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 337 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 297 ratings

About the author

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David M. Buss

David M. Buss

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After completing his doctorate in at the University of California, Berkeley, David Buss spent four years as Assistant Professor at Harvard University. He then migrated to the University of Michigan, where he taught for 11 years before accepting his current position at the University of Texas at Austin. His primary interests include the evolutionary psychology of human mating strategies; conflict between the sexes; prestige, status, and social reputation; the emotion of jealousy; homicide; anti-homicide defenses; defenses against sexual victimization; and stalking.

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4.4 out of 5 stars
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Customers find the book provides good, factual information that helps them understand sexual conflict. They describe it as an engaging and easy read that offers insights and solutions.

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7 customers mention "Information quality"7 positive0 negative

Customers find the book provides good information and insights that help them understand sexual conflict. They say it offers factual information and solutions for issues. The book is described as fascinating, carefully written, and engaging. Readers mention it's a useful, daring, and instructive guide for both men and women.

"...This book will bring you more insights and more understanding of where your opposite sex is coming from (evolutionary perspective)...." Read more

"...to discuss (e.g., sexual violence), it does so with a deep review of the scientific literature and careful language accessible to both scholars and..." Read more

"Engaging, easy to read, a must read." Read more

"...or paths to recovery or solutions for issues but the information it gives is very factual and encompasses the who what why and how of most if not..." Read more

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Customers find the book easy to read and recommend it.

"...Superb read. I highly recommend." Read more

"Engaging, easy to read, a must read." Read more

"When Men Behave Badly is an excellent book laying out decades of research by Buss and his colleagues explaining bad male behavior...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Fe
    5.0 out of 5 stars Are you in an ONLINE DATING WORLD?
    Reviewed in the United States on February 26, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    The media could not be loaded.
    To my fellow WOMEN!! This book will bring you more insights and more understanding of where your opposite sex is coming from (evolutionary perspective).

    This book will serve as your guide to dealing with the intricate strategies of online dating!
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  • Steve Ceresnie
    5.0 out of 5 stars A Look Through the Evolutionary Lens Reveals the Roots of Conflict Between the Sexes
    Reviewed in the United States on October 4, 2021
    Verified Purchase
    If you are interested in sexual conflicts, sexual desire, and mating, read this book.

    The evolutionary lens examines the hidden roots of sexual conflict, lurking in plain sight once you understand the empirical research findings presented in this important book.

    Sexual conflicts stem in part from evolved sex differences that underly the sexual psychology of females and males.

    These sexual conflicts show up in relationships between the sexes: sexual harassment; intimate partner violence; sexual assault by strangers, acquaintances and those who claim to be lovers; and stalking in the aftermath of breakups.

    For example, Andrew Cuomo is the most recent of too many men who treat women as sexual prey. The 165 page report prepared by Letitia James, the Attorney General of New York investigating Governor Cuomo, highlights his behavior: buttocks grabbing, breast grabbing, leering comments and questions such as, “Have you cheated on your husband?” “Have you been with older men?” “Would you find me a girlfriend?” Cuomo saw a woman state trooper who worked for him and got her assigned to his security detail and then tagged her for harassment.

    Buss reminds us that biologists define sex by the size of the gametes. Males have small gametes - sperm - DNA packed with 23 chromosomes, and a flagellum or outboard motor. Females have large gametes with 23 chromosomes and nutrient filled eggs.

    Human males make several million sperms per day or about 1,500 per second. Males release anywhere from 20 to 300 million sperm cells in a single milliliter of semen.

    For females, during fetal life there are about 6 to 7 million eggs produced. From this time no new eggs are produced. At birth, there are approximately 1 million eggs; by puberty, only 300,000 eggs remain. Of the remaining eggs, only 300 to 400 will be ovulated during a women’s reproductive years.

    Men can produce a child with sexual intercourse (in minutes some women say) with no further investment. Women require a metabolically costly nine months of internal gestation to produce that same child, often accompanied by months of breast feeding.

    Dr. Buss develops many research based findings to help us understand sexual conflict and why some men behave badly.

    These evidenced based concepts include:

    Short-term vs Long-term mating strategies

    “I was looking for a lifetime lover, and she was looking for a friend.”
    —- Jim Croce

    Attractive Discrepancies

    Types of Sexual Deception - including common deceptions in computer dating sites

    Intimate Partner Violence

    Stalking

    Number of Reported Sexual Partners for Males and Females

    Distortions in Males Regarding Perceived Cues of Female Sexual Interest

    Affairs in Males and Females

    Jealousy in Males and Females

    Mate Guarding

    Backup Mates

    The Dark Triad of Personality Traits in Men Who Behave Badly…and more.

    I especially liked Chapter 3: “Struggles Within Mateships,” which includes a section on, “The Evolutionary Recipe for Mating Harmony.”

    Go to YouTube to listen to Dr. Buss talk with many perceptive interviewers. I particularly liked Dr. Michael Shermer’s interview with Dr. Buss.

    I recommend reading, “The Evolution of Human Sexuality,” by Don Symons, a classic text Dr. Buss mentions in many of his interviews.

    Professor Buss concludes his book with the following trenchant remarks:

    “Men’s sexual violence toward women remains the most widespread human rights problem in the world. Deep knowledge of men’s and women’s sexual psychology will help create conditions to reduce sexual violence. Information about the evolutionary of sexual conflict will help. Knowledge that women are not passive pawns in a male game will help. Progress rests with the recognition of a fundamental change in sexual morality—-that women themselves, not boyfriends, husbands, or fathers, should have sole autonomy over their own bodies. Female choice about when, where, with whom, and under what conditions they consent to sex is the deepest and most fundamental component of women’s sexual psychology. It is a fundamental human right. Although men have coevolved strategies to undermine it, that freedom of choice should never be compromised. A deep understanding of coevolution of sexual conflict in humans will not magically solve all problems. But I am convinced it is the light and the way.”

    Amen.
    29 people found this helpful
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  • Nidhi Shrivastava
    4.0 out of 5 stars A must read!
    Reviewed in the United States on May 12, 2021
    An interesting read about the "battle of sexes" aspect told through the eyes of David Buss, a professor of psychology and expert on human behaviour and evolution in society. Using psychological and behavioural evidence, Buss digs deep into how gender politics operate within the context of sexual violence. An important book in the midst of the #MeToo movement. This book seeks to further understand why do men engage in this type of violence. Using case studies, Buss argues that based on science that not all men are sexual predators. He justifies his claim by stating that "sexual harassers score high on the Dark Triad of personality traits - narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy" and again using this concept of dark triad, Buss further argues that women can be sexual aggressors too.

    Buss's monograph is, therefore, engaging in a current conversation. The only critique that I can offer is that it is very specialized literature that caters to a particular academic audience or audiences who are interested in this subject. T

    Overall, an interesting read. Thank you Netgalley for the electronic ARC of his monograph!
    5 people found this helpful
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  • Rebecka Hahnel-Peeters
    5.0 out of 5 stars A fascinating and carefully written must-read on sexual conflict
    Reviewed in the United States on May 17, 2021
    Verified Purchase
    Sexual conflict permeates our daily lives, and it leads to harm toward both genders. While this book covers several topics that are not fun to discuss (e.g., sexual violence), it does so with a deep review of the scientific literature and careful language accessible to both scholars and laypeople.

    Buss's newest boom is a must-read for anyone who's been affected by sexual conflict or knows victims of sexual conflict. Superb read. I highly recommend.
    16 people found this helpful
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  • Yira Carvajal
    5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book.
    Reviewed in the United States on March 5, 2023
    Verified Purchase
    Engaging, easy to read, a must read.
    One person found this helpful
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  • DIY or Die
    3.0 out of 5 stars Hard to listen to
    Reviewed in the United States on September 15, 2021
    Verified Purchase
    I like the idea of audio books as I have a 8 hour drive twice a week and it's hard to keep the truck on the road while I'm trying to read. Good solution right :)
    All jokes aside this book has a lot of good information. However, I don't know if it's the book, or the narrator, but it is kind of monotone and hard to listen to.
    This book was suggested to me and I've listened to it 1.5 times so far. There isn't any guidance or paths to recovery or solutions for issues but the information it gives is very factual and encompasses the who what why and how of most if not all bad behaviors of men.
    This book is the first building block to finding a path for recovery knowing why we behave the way we do. Being able to put names to our traits will make finding a plan much easer. Also this book would be extremely helpful for women trying to identify problem behaviors for the men in there lives.
    Keep in mind I have adult A.D.D. It's not easy to listen to and I imagine it's not at all easy to read, but it's worth the knowledge it possesses.
    12 people found this helpful
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  • Phrost
    5.0 out of 5 stars A careful, detailed, compassionate examination of an uncomfortable subject
    Reviewed in the United States on May 16, 2021
    Verified Purchase
    In order to address any problem one must begin by understanding that problem as it is, not as we wish it was. And there are few subjects as thoroughly uncomfortable to delve into the root causes of than sexual assault and male violence towards women.

    At each turn, the author carefully uncouples what is—the psychology behind the behaviors—from what ought to be: a world in which these behaviors are virtually eliminated. This is a feat few manage to do well, which itself is partly to blame for why we have had such poor success in addressing these problems.
    17 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • Nicole Chardenet
    5.0 out of 5 stars Arrived just fine
    Reviewed in Canada on January 7, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    Very good book, and it was in good (used, I'm pretty sure) condeition.
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  • Marcelo Buratto
    3.0 out of 5 stars Interessante
    Reviewed in Brazil on July 2, 2023
    Verified Purchase
    É uma obra interessante sobre sexualidade humana e os conflitos e perigos que pode provocar. Ela é centrada em descrever as atitudes sexuais inadequadas de homens, que podem causar prejuízo físicos e emocionais às mulheres. No entanto, achei que faltou ao autor desenvolver mais sobre a psicologia desses homens, o porquê de agirem desta forma. Será perversidade, falta de empatia, ou falta de habilidades sociais? Seria interessante uma obra mais bem elaborada.
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    Marcelo Buratto
    3.0 out of 5 stars
    Interessante

    Reviewed in Brazil on July 2, 2023
    É uma obra interessante sobre sexualidade humana e os conflitos e perigos que pode provocar. Ela é centrada em descrever as atitudes sexuais inadequadas de homens, que podem causar prejuízo físicos e emocionais às mulheres. No entanto, achei que faltou ao autor desenvolver mais sobre a psicologia desses homens, o porquê de agirem desta forma. Será perversidade, falta de empatia, ou falta de habilidades sociais? Seria interessante uma obra mais bem elaborada.
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  • Leslie Konermann
    5.0 out of 5 stars Essential
    Reviewed in Germany on August 25, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    Profound information about female and male mating preferences and strategies, including conflicting interests and how they are dealt with versus how they had better be dealt with! A must read.
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  • twowhitecats
    5.0 out of 5 stars Better than the title suggests
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 15, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    I loved this book. It talks about how evolutionary psychology influences both men and women. I learned about both sexes. It proves it's 'not all men', talks about inbuilt biases which society doesn't take account of. Everyone should read it. I think men will be interested to learn that 50% of domestic violence is perpetrated by women. It changes your perspective.
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  • Esha
    5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful, Gripping, Enlightening
    Reviewed in India on October 20, 2022
    Verified Purchase
    Data backed understanding of men’s and women’s psychology is crucial to navigate gender conflicts. Buss explains the roots of sexual conflicts and provides sound solutions for the same.
    Report

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