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How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love Paperback – February 2, 2021

by Logan Ury (Author)

4.4 2,699 ratings

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A funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.

Have you ever looked around and wondered, "Why has everyone found love except me?" You're not the only one. Great relationships don't just appear in our lives - they're the culmination of a series of decisions, including who to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love.

Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn't lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how.

This book focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You'll learn:

- What's holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern)
- What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn't)
- How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you)
- How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love)
- How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews)
- Why "the spark" is a myth (but you'll find love anyway)

This data-driven, step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Piatkus (February 2, 2021)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 335 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0349428298
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0349428291
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 15.5 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.98 x 1.1 x 9.13 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #725,412 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,099 in Dating (Books)
- #3,402 in Love & Romance (Books)
- #3,712 in Marriage

Customer Reviews:
4.4 2,699 ratings

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Logan Ury

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Logan Ury is a Harvard-educated behavioral scientist turned dating coach, and the author of HOW TO NOT DIE ALONE. As the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, Logan leads a research team dedicated to helping people find love.

HOW TO NOT DIE ALONE is a guide to modern dating, designed to help the reader overcome their bad habits and find the relationship of their dreams, using lessons from behavioral science. Each chapter focuses on a different decision along the dating journey, from “Am I ready to date?” to “Should we get married?

Logan’s work has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, TIME. The Washington Post, GQ, Glamour, Vice, and on HBO and the BBC. She is a featured speaker at SXSW 2021.

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Customers say

Customers find the book provides insightful advice and practical information about dating. They describe it as an easy, succinct read with a humorous and entertaining tone. The book is educational and empowering, providing good reminders applicable to all relationships. Readers appreciate the author's conversational tone that exposes cynicism and delusion while keeping everything from becoming condescending or insincere. Many find the book actionable, real, and evidence-based. However, opinions differ on whether the book offers good value for money.

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Advice Readability Humor Educational value Conversational tone Actionable Value for money

63 customers mention "Advice"60 positive3 negative

Customers appreciate the book's advice and practical information on dating apps and meeting people. They find it insightful, helpful, and well-researched. The author skillfully presents advice and solutions in an entertaining and helpful way.

"...It is excellent, well written and researched, especially noted the actionable suggested behaviors readers can do to reach their goals." Read more

"I love this book. She gives great advice. It's easy to follow with funny jokes that made me laugh out loud...." Read more

"This book offers clear, science-based advise on how to deal with different stages of finding and thriving in a relationship...." Read more

"...book A how to for dating and even relationships the info on online dating is gold even for experienced daters this book gave me the tools to be..." Read more

24 customers mention "Readability"21 positive3 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and understandable. They appreciate the author's straightforward writing style and practical approach. The book provides a modern take on romance and relationships that readers were looking for.

"...It is excellent, well written and researched, especially noted the actionable suggested behaviors readers can do to reach their goals." Read more

"I love this book. She gives great advice. It's easy to follow with funny jokes that made me laugh out loud...." Read more

"This book offers clear, science-based advise on how to deal with different stages of finding and thriving in a relationship...." Read more

"...I love how she breaks down each topic - the way she writes and puts things together (although, I've heard it elsewhere before) makes things more..." Read more

15 customers mention "Humor"15 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the book's humor. They find the snarky and insightful writing style entertaining. The author has a great sense of humor and provides worthwhile commentary. The writing style is upbeat and casual, with plenty of jokes.

"I love this book. She gives great advice. It's easy to follow with funny jokes that made me laugh out loud...." Read more

"...Logan Ury, the author, has a touch of sarcasm and a great sense of humor - my taste...." Read more

"...The writing style is upbeat and funny and the author is vulnerable in a way that keeps everything from becoming condescending or insincere...." Read more

"It’s exciting to encounter a book that is both immensely practical in its advice and also backed by serious principles from behavioral economics,..." Read more

12 customers mention "Educational value"12 positive0 negative

Customers find the book educational and empowering. They say it helps them lead more happy, fulfilling lives with good reminders and guidance applicable to all relationships, not just dating. The author breaks down each topic in an engaging way that gets them out of their heads and into their behaviors. They appreciate the helpful examples, workbook activities, and tactical steps that they can apply. Overall, the book provides hope and makes them feel more present and happy.

"...I love how she breaks down each topic - the way she writes and puts things together (although, I've heard it elsewhere before) makes things more..." Read more

"...Reading her words is like talking to a trusted friend—loving, a little bit bossy, and always looking out for your best interests...." Read more

"...There are tons of helpful examples, workbook activities and tactical steps that you can literally implement immediately!..." Read more

"...It shaped my thinking. I actually think it has allowed me to be more present, and more happy -- in the relationship I'm now just beginning...." Read more

9 customers mention "Conversational tone"9 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's conversational tone. They find it challenging and motivating to understand another perspective. The guide helps readers identify personal shortcomings and valuable qualities. It is vulnerable without being condescending or insincere. Readers appreciate the clear, simple behavioral science backing the advice.

"...The practical advise/tools are very useful and the behavioral science backing them up is clear and simple...." Read more

"...and the author is vulnerable in a way that keeps everything from becoming condescending or insincere...." Read more

"...immensely practical in its advice and also backed by serious principles from behavioral economics, social science, etc.!..." Read more

"...Reading her words is like talking to a trusted friend—loving, a little bit bossy, and always looking out for your best interests...." Read more

7 customers mention "Actionable"7 positive0 negative

Customers find the book practical and actionable. They appreciate the evidence-based approach and workbook activities.

"...well written and researched, especially noted the actionable suggested behaviors readers can do to reach their goals." Read more

"...There are tons of helpful examples, workbook activities and tactical steps that you can literally implement immediately!..." Read more

"...She has done an amazing job of combining science, humor, and "actionable realness."..." Read more

"...An impassioned, authentic, believable, and rigorous book. All must read!" Read more

9 customers mention "Value for money"4 positive5 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the book's value. Some find it worth the price, while others say it's not worth the money, underwhelming, and lacking in value.

"...For us, the Relationship Contract alone was worth the price of entry...." Read more

"Some good points. Not exceptional. Worth a read for some insight into yourself or your partner, but you’re probably still going to die alone. :)" Read more

"...for a while until I decided to buy it and I really think it was totally worth it...." Read more

"I bought it because I DIDN'T want to go online. Waste of money except for a few pages where she explains how to meet people In Real Life...." Read more

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Bruce Watson
Excellent book with terrible title!!
Reviewed in the United States on February 6, 2025
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Read this book before giving it as a gift to my daughter. It is excellent, well written and researched, especially noted the actionable suggested behaviors readers can do to reach their goals.

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h graham
Great advice
Reviewed in the United States on January 9, 2025
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I love this book. She gives great advice. It's easy to follow with funny jokes that made me laugh out loud. Right away I was able to spot the characteristics being described in people I know and discover what traits I have that have been holding me back. I highly recommend.

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4 people found this helpful

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Sayel Cortes
Practical advise to find and thrive in a relationship
Reviewed in the United States on September 8, 2022
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This book offers clear, science-based advise on how to deal with different stages of finding and thriving in a relationship. From tips to get in the right focus to find a partner, to tips on how to meet them, how to decide whether to breakup or stay, and even how to keep a relationship in the long term. The practical advise/tools are very useful and the behavioral science backing them up is clear and simple.

That being said, the book feels sometimes like a toolset to be used when needed. The line connecting the different chapters is weak as each stage seems to use a different theoretical approach. This makes the advise fragmented so something you use as needed rather than a perspective you can use continually. If your situation is a bit different from the one covered in the book, you might have little guidance. Also because of the lack of a common framework it is a bit hard to keep everything in mind as you read the book. Still it is useful as a toolset that covers most stages in romantic life from a rational science based perspective

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54 people found this helpful

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RIig
strategic map for dating at any age
Reviewed in the United States on January 30, 2025
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wow great book A how to for dating and even relationships the info on online dating is gold even for experienced daters this book gave me the tools to be brave enough to get out there and meet someone Any age would benefit from this book but especially those of us who are concerned about the last few decades of our lives Enjoy

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2 people found this helpful

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Fest Mom
Great advice for all types of relationships
Reviewed in the United States on January 31, 2025
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I had listened to this book on my Libby app and ended up buying a hard copy. Great advice for dating but also for established and married couples and probably even friendships! GET IT!!

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jeffrey
Good book but single men should look elsewhere
Reviewed in the United States on March 2, 2023
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A lot of dating advice is entirely general. This book has a lot of good general advice about how to evaluate the person in front of you.

What this book has:
- advice on how to avoid hookups
- advice for evaluating your first/second dates
- 3 ways your expectations could be wrong
- and some general advice good LTR habits and traits
- a small chapter on how to meet people IRL
- advice on how to break up

What this book does not have:
- How to attract interest especially long term interest
- How to advertise yourself
- How to approach people
- A single "straight male" example (she constantly references a homosexual man though)

Now sure it's probably useful to know that I was definitely a "hesitater" for the past few years and evaluating people for their long term potential is surely a skill to have. But I am not regularly being swept off my feet by short term dating opportunities, the only people who are interested in nerdy software engineers in the first place are long term seekers. Genuinely in my experience with dating I only attract those who are looking for committed long term relationships, so very little of what this book has to offer is all that useful.

My primary issue is not that I don't have a lot of value to provide a partner or that I am evaluating my dates incorrectly. It's entirely that I am not interacting with enough single women and have forgotten my college skills of turning chance encounters into dates.

I was absolutely rolling my eyes as she recounted her tale of ignoring her now husband for years on end to chase after some sexy dude.

I would absolutely love if a ton of women read this book, and the science-y high citation focus is great. But I guess I'll look for books written by male psychologists.

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129 people found this helpful

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Kohya
HILARIOUS / Insightful / Audiobook is great, too!
Reviewed in the United States on August 12, 2024
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I listened to the Audiobook first. I wanted to do the activities, too, so I purchased the actual book :)

Logan Ury, the author, has a touch of sarcasm and a great sense of humor - my taste. I love how she breaks down each topic - the way she writes and puts things together (although, I've heard it elsewhere before) makes things more understandable & relatable.

After reading the book, I started online dating with the intensions mentioned in the book - I feel like I am getting results quicker (as I play the numbers game). By knowing what to think before going in, I feel more prepared.

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17 people found this helpful

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Leo
Bad title, good book
Reviewed in the United States on March 19, 2021
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Ury has put together a solid guide to intentional relationships in the 21st century.
The title has gotten some concerned comments from both my friends and my partner - requiring some explanation on my part. It is a good example of a sensationalist book title meant to increase sales, which I can only partially fault the author and publisher for. Regardless, if you’re wondering what this book is really about, a more appropriate title would be something to the affect of: “Relationship Science for the 21st Century: How to Find, Build, and Maintain Intentional Relationships”
I would recommend this book to anyone looking for advice on how to make better and more rational decisions in their relationships.

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30 people found this helpful

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Vitor
Pretty mid
Reviewed in Brazil on January 27, 2025
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Logan Ury is director of relationship science at Hinge. Imagine a fish is teaching you how to catch a fish, this is how this book is for me. Most of the content is clearly written for women, it assumes you have matches in dating apps, it assumes someone is interested in you and assumes you have dates to go. If you had read any self help books about relationships, many topics and ideas are not new, and most of it are not for you, but for people in dating apps that didn't read this book and won't apply its fundamentals anyway.

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Dillon J
A MUST READ
Reviewed in Canada on October 24, 2024
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This book is a MUST READ for anyone who is single. If you are single please buy and read this book. It gave me so much insight and has helped me a LOT.

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Cliente de Kindle
Helped me learn things about myself I didn't know
Reviewed in Mexico on January 26, 2023
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As a starter I want to say that this book helped me identify the main problem in my relationship, that being an anxiously attached person. Learning about that and all the other content in the book and the way it is explained has been a majo help in navigating my relationship and resolving conflicts in a healthy way.

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Mark
A good book
Reviewed in Belgium on May 19, 2024
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A good book on dating and relationships. It is super easy to read and quite fun. I would reccomend.

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Alessia
Divertente ed utile
Reviewed in Italy on April 9, 2024
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Riflessioni illuminanti e pratiche

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3.0 out of 5 stars Pretty mid

5.0 out of 5 stars A MUST READ

5.0 out of 5 stars Helped me learn things about myself I didn't know

4.0 out of 5 stars A good book

5.0 out of 5 stars Divertente ed utile

Pretty mid

A MUST READ

Helped me learn things about myself I didn't know

A good book

Divertente ed utile