“…at our best, we get a good glimpse at the fact that the activist, also has a contemplative living inside him. The one who is strict with the kids has a part of herself that has a whole other, looser way of feeling about them. And on and on. It isn't easy, and it doesn't happen all the time, but our favorite fights are the ones in which we don’t try to solve the conflicts but let the conflicts “solve us,” you could say… if a conflict does not go away it's a good bet that one of us, or both of us, has gotten drawn back into being too identified with our more comfortable position. Like the end we're holding onto so passionately is our whole story, our whole truth in the matter. When we can get out of the grip of our more familiar side then the fight doesn't feel as if the other one is trying to make us give up anything. The fight becomes a way for us to recover our own complexity, so to speak, to leave off making the other into our opposite and face up to our own oppositeness.”